6 Things I Did After Leaving Domestic Violence

⚠️ Trigger Warning: This post contains details about my personal experience with domestic violence and leaving domestic violence. The contents may be triggering. Remember that you are not alone, and my heart is with you.   ✨ If you or someone you know needs support or resources, the National Domestic Violence Hotline was a great source of support to me.  https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/  |  1 (800) 799-SAFE (7233)  |  Text START to 88788 

When I left my marriage and was placed in a domestic violence shelter by police, everything felt like it was spinning around me. The first 24 hours there were so much for me emotionally that I remember feeling paralyzed by anxiety and overwhelmed by thoughts of what to do next. I share more about my experience leaving and moving to a shelter in a previous blog post (find it here!).

I knew I was going to have to take steps to protect myself, file for divorce, get medical care, etc. It was a lot, but now that I am on the “other side” of it all, I wanted to share some of the things I did right away after leaving. I would like to note that my perspective is coming from a place of not having any living children and being married to my abuser. Everyone’s situation is different. These are just the things that I did when I left that I felt were helpful long term.

1. Got a Protection Order

The day after I went to the domestic violence shelter (I talk about that in THIS post), I went to the courthouse with a domestic violence advocate and petitioned for a temporary protection order. In my state, they had me get on a computer at the courthouse and submit an application for the order. I waited about 20 minutes to see a magistrate and was granted my temporary order that same day, with a hearing set for a week later for a civil protection order. Everyone’s situation is different, and a protection order isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution; it was something that I felt helped keep me safe.

2. Started Therapy

It may sound like a no-brainer to get therapy after leaving an abusive relationship, but in the chaos of leaving, it’s so easy to get caught up in survival. I spent the first few weeks living minute to minute, and once the dust settled, I found myself feeling overwhelmed with emotions. It was like all the feelings I had bottled up while navigating this life-altering experience finally bubbled to the surface.

Getting connected with a therapist really changed the game for my healing journey. There are a lot of free mental health and therapy services for survivors. If you need to find services like this, I highly recommend contacting your local Department of Jobs and Family Services or the National Domestic Violence Hotline to be connected to resources.

3. Joined a Support Group

Finding my support group was a game changer, especially when I was still living in the domestic violence shelter. It was critical to my mental health that I found other ways to process what happened to me and rebuild my life from rock bottom. It also didn’t hurt that going to the support group gave me a reason to leave the shelter every week for a few hours.

Support groups are very different from group therapy. Usually, the group is not facilitated by a mental health professional. My support group is run by two domestic violence advocates at a nonprofit. We were given a safe space to share our experiences without judgment.

4. Contacted a Lawyer

In my county, they have a service that provides legal assistance to survivors of domestic violence who cannot afford to get a lawyer on their own. These attorneys are not public defenders; they are attorneys who donate their services through this program. I was connected to the most wonderful woman who represented me during both of my trials.

Most abusers will get a lawyer right away and use the legal system to continue their abuse when they can no longer physically harm you, so it’s important that if your situation involves an open court case, I recommend obtaining counsel right away to protect yourself.

5. Picked Up a Hobby

Okay, okay. I get that this one may seem a little silly in comparison to getting a lawyer or seeing a therapist. However, the truth is, you are going to need something to occupy the quiet moments. I noticed myself losing control emotionally when things were quiet or when evening came around. I did a lot of paintings and sketches. It really gave me a creative outlet for everything I was going through. I truly think it is important to find something to fill that time and silence your mind a bit.

6. Self-Care

It’s so easy for me to get caught up in all those negative (and perfectly valid) emotions and stop taking care of myself. I started a consistent skin care routine (with super cheap products the shelter gave us) and got outside to walk every day. I chose the things I wanted to do, what I wanted to eat, and how my time was spent — and making those decisions and having that freedom is something that a lot of survivors are robbed of by their abuser.

It may be hard, but remember that you are worth the effort it takes to heal. 🩷

These were just a handful of things that helped ground me when everything else was unstable. Your journey might look different, and that’s okay — there’s no “right way” to leave or heal. Do what is right for you and your situation. If anything I’ve shared helps make you feel less alone, then I’m grateful to have shared it.

🤍 For a complete list of resources, please check out my resource page. I have organized them by type of service & country. 💜 I have created a collection of digital designs, paintings, and sketches inspired by my own experience and healing journey. If you want to take a look, you can view the collection here. Your support is so appreciated 🫶🏼