From Trauma to True Love

🚧Trigger Warning: This post contains details about my personal experience with domestic violence and leaving domestic violence. The contents may be triggering. Remember that you are not alone, and my heart is with you.     ✨ If you or someone you know needs support or resources, the National Domestic Violence Hotline was a great source of support to me.   https://www.thehotline.org/get-help/  |  1 (800) 799-SAFE (7233)  |  Text START to 88788 

When I left my marriage due to domestic violence, I was one of those women who swore they would never date again. I was championing this idea of being a crazy cat lady on a piece of land miles away from society. The thought of going on dates and finding someone to date was terrifying; I mean.. I missed all the red flags in my previous relationship that nearly cost me my life. How could I possibly trust myself to judge a person’s character or know if they are going to become violent one day? I found myself spiraling into an infinite web of what-ifs. Then everything changed.  

As if perfectly on cue - and completely on God's timing - my ✨dream man✨ walked into my life. What started as fun conversations and casual flirting turned into a spontaneous first date in the park. And then a second date and a third. The fear and anxiety of dating again after something such a traumatic experience started to melt away and turn into something more comfortable and secure. He went from being this super handsome, funny guy to being the man I couldn’t stop thinking about. I would jump every time I heard my phone go off, willing the notification to be from him. My crush became real feelings that slipped deeper than surface level.  

Phone calls that lasted hours became a nightly ritual. We connected through vulnerability and raw honesty. He was always really open with me about his life and past. Our conversations were rarely superficial and the more we talked, the safer I felt with him. He listened to me when I shared about my previous marriage and the physical and emotional toll it had taken on me. Instead of being met with criticism, he met me with support and understanding. He never made me feel worried. He never left me questioning how he felt about me. Instead he pursued me.

One day, we were sitting outside in his backyard, talking for hours about everything under the sun. Our faith, hopes for the future, and secrets from our pasts. We talked about love – rather, we talked about how we never talk about love. Eventually, silence fell between us. It wasn’t awkward. More so, the silence allowed me to notice the electric connection between us. I was hyperaware, in that moment, of the weight of my feelings for him. I was falling and praying he would catch me.   

I’ll never forget the way his voice sounded when he spoke. In the gentlest voice that almost sounded nervous, he told me he loved me. Time stood still and for the first time, probably ever, I really did feel loved.  

That moment marked something pivotal in our relationship. We went from dreaming about the future to actually building a life together. We prayed - together and on our own - for guidance and discernment. Each step we were taking was intentional.

The hopes I had for what it would be like to be together have been beyond what I could have ever imagined. I spent so long trapped in a marriage that was abusive and toxic, I’ve had to learn how to let someone love me in a healthy way. And while I certainly wouldn't claim perfection, what we have built together is beautiful and peaceful and happy. He has healed me in ways that I didn’t know needed healing. He has given me the freedom to live life how I want to with him cheering me on every step of the way. He allows room for my feelings and a safe space to process them. He prays with me, for me, and over me daily. He makes me laugh constantly (which we all know is the best medicine). He goes above and beyond to show up and make me a priority. 

I may have saved myself, but he is the one who healed me.   

🤍 For a complete list of resources, please check out my resource page. I have organized them by type of service & country.    💜 I have created a collection of digital designs, paintings, and sketches inspired by my own experience and healing journey. If you want to take a look, you can view the collection here. Your support is so appreciated 🫶🏼